Tis Me Michelle

This was meant to be my year of ‘thriving’. I feel like it’s been more like, barely surviving. It’s honestly not been bad by any real means, it’s just almost like I can’t catch my stride. I have felt so close in a few areas a few times and every time it gets close or seems possible it feels like it falls apart. So I’m honestly just tryna enjoy the good and not harp on the not-so-good.

Finances: We left off with how this was less on my focus radar in the last quarter. It definitely has stayed that way for the most part. But I’ve definitely been thinking more about saving better again. For a safety net and just you know, you never know how things will play out. I want to feel secure. I want the flexibility to have choices because I am financially secure and free.

Health: Man, I had some really solid pockets of time. I actually put that Planet Fitness membership to use! I was going to the gym 3-4 days a week and for a solid hour or more between cardio and strength training. It was a good little workout. It was only after I got back from my Greece trip that I kind of slowed down, this past month or so.

The food in Greece really inspired me, it was so fresh and light. Between that and Logan’s cucumber trend, I actually did okay for a couple weeks after I got back with the food side. Then the last few weeks I’ve had people over and that was great, but it just threw me off any kind of solid routine. And I usually take anywhere between 1 week and a month to recover from being thrown off. It’s a lame cycle. I’m hopeful I can get back on track. My friend and I have been planning a variation of 75 Soft, so that should set me straight!

Work/Career: It was so funny to read my previous post, it feels like forever ago now. I was waiting for a possible transition at work, and I mean I did have one, but it wasn’t the original plan. I was supposed to move teams, everyone knew it was happening, but lines of communication got crossed and it all went nowhere. I was rather annoyed with all parties involved. It felt like I was just getting played from all angles. I had to make a decision and ultimately worked it out with my current team.

The good side is… This is the first team I really felt like I’ve ‘clicked’ with. I feel like I am valued to some extent. And the work my team does is super cool. On the flip side, even with being valued to some extent, I’m aware my role isn’t as crucial as others, and that gives me a level of anxiety about longevity. Because of that, I am not sure how likely I am to get a full-time position, which I really need, for you know… Having a sustainable life. It’s something that’s been on my mind quite a bit lately. There are a lot of factors to consider, and the one I always find the hardest is to do what is best for me. It’s so strange that even in the reality that I am perpetually single, I still always consider other people over my own well-being.

Relationships: We left off with a very cute boy I had a crush on at work, but he ended up leaving the company basically as soon as I spoke into existence that I had a crush on him. What’s even crazier is that right after he left, like right after, I started working on the team he was part of. It was truly some kind of karmic joke. I had no idea where he was going, he doesn’t exist on social media, so it was over and done. Or so I thought.

I came back from my trip to Greece, and my work bestie broke the news that she heard he was coming back. And lo and behold, he has come back, very recently. However, when she broke the news, she also mentioned she heard he has a girlfriend now. So, you know the universe is still laughing in my face. Even if he does or doesn’t, he doesn’t seem interested in me at all. I have a habit of only having crushes on people who seem out of reach, and in reality, would not be interested in me.

It’s unfortunate for me that most, if not all guys, who seem interested in me are very awkward and weird. I really don’t think I am exaggerating on that. However, I have reached or at least am finally reaching a point where if a guy doesn’t seem like he is or would be interested in me, sounds to me like a you problem, cause I’m actually pretty great. There may have been some external validation to make someone I liked like me back, or maybe knowing it was never going to happen had an allure. I really don’t know. I may not be conventionally attractive, but I think I’m a pretty decent person, caring and sometimes very fun. I’m not in my full confidence just yet. But if you’re just not that into me, then I’m just not that into you either.

The third-quarter roundup came so quick. Honestly, this year is flying by. I would like to get to a point where I am not constantly dwelling on the things that aren’t going how I wanted or planned, and enjoying what I have. To find the sparkle in the mundane. To be a light where it seems like endless darkness. And of course, one thing I’ll always do to get me in that up mood is travel. Last time I had NYC and Greece. Now I have a Chicago trip where I get to see my cousin and possibly some old friends. I am also trying to figure out where I want to spend New Year’s, think Europe, possibly, Scotland. If you have any suggestions, let me know in the comments! Somewhere I can do within one week or less.

See you at the end of the year! Maybe I’ll be thriving by then ;)